As I ponder on what to write about a godly marriage, I started to reflect on my own marriage of 30 years to my husband, Aly. Back then, we were young and in love, with no worries in the world. We love each other and cannot wait to get married so we can live our life together, as husband and wife.
We both got into the marriage with our own set of expectations. I have this image of how my husband should love me and Aly has his own image of how his wife should love him. These expectations soon turned into demands from each other. And when these demands were not met, we concluded that there’s no love between us.
Our marriage started to turn upward when we got on our knees and prayed to God, asking Him for mercy and forgiveness. We wanted our marriage but did not know how to make it work. We held each other tight, invited the Holy Spirit to come into our life and lead us. We started to get to know Jesus Christ, truly and deeply, building a love relationship with Him every day.
God transformed our marriage and through His grace, revealed to us how we are to love each other unconditionally. I saw my husband as perfect in God’s image and accepted all of him, just the way he was created. I rely on God to meet my needs and through His love, I love my husband wholeheartedly.
Through this unity of marriage, God wants us to be in a partnership and carry each other’s burdens. He wants us to love and give love to one another. God wants us to build a relationship with Him, one that will last for eternity.
By allowing the Holy Spirit to work in us, Aly and I found joy and true love in our marriage. We are able to love each other beyond our capacity. 1 John 4:16 (NIV) says “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” Love is not something. It is someone. God is love.
I experienced God’s love over and over again throughout my marriage. I know that His love will never leave. In Hebrew 13:5, God says “I will never leave you and I will never forsake you.” What an awesome God! I can always rely on Him anytime, anywhere, for all my needs.
In Galatians 5:22 (NIV), it says “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Love comes from outside of us. We don’t have love. We don’t have the capacity to love, apart from God.
God created everything in Genesis 1. Genesis 2 tells us that after God created man, He said it’s not good for the man to be alone and so he created the woman from the man’s rib and presented her to him. God’s plan for marriage from the very beginning is to create a family, for the man and woman to exist with each other and for one another. As such, the man is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Through this unity of marriage, God wants us to be in a partnership and carry each other’s burdens. He wants us to love and give love to one another. God wants us to build a relationship with Him, one that will last for eternity.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV) says that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Only when we have this kind of love in our marriage will our love towards each other as husband and wife be gratifying, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (Ephesians 5:2).
God is love. God created marriage. He loves us and wants us to be in perfect unity. When we allow the Holy Spirit to dwell and be the center of our marriage, then we will have a godly marriage.
Mai Lee-Xiong (N. Aly Xyooj)
Mai Lee-Xiong (N. Aly Xyooj) is a wife and mother of six wonderful children – April, Jerry, Scott, Stone, Allyson, and Julie. She and her husband, Aly Xiong, have been married for over 30 years and live in Stillwater, Minnesota. They are the proud grandparents of one grandson and two more on the way. Mai enjoys traveling with her husband, shopping with her daughters, and talking life with her sons. She has a deep love for Jesus Christ, her strength and comforter. Her faith in Him is rooted and cannot be shaken.